12 November, 2012

Tears in the darkness.

Nighttime slid, darkly through the window,
Glanced out as I pulled the curtains to,
And saw the star shine pouring down,

Thought of how this once was always,
Staring, lost in thoughts and words,
And puzzling life out piece by piece,

Stuttered start, trying to get the words out,
Feelings that scratch under my skin,
And eke out in the form of tears and the truth.

18 August, 2012

Love.

It's the moonlight cutting through a gap in the blinds that I can not close and shining right across the bridge of my nose in otherwise darkness.

It's the joy of fitting exactly perfectly into your embrace and not ever wanting to move no matter how much it aches.

It's tracing your name into the grain of the wood of the table with my nail and wishing it was a chisel instead so that I could make it permanent like the way you're etched into every stray thought.

It's staring at my phone wondering why it is silent still and checking it compulsively for no reason other than the thought of you.

It's feeling your heart beat and pretending that it beats just for me.

24 May, 2012

Uninspired.

There is something lost and dull about this place. It is the only place uninspiring enough to inspire me right now. Turns out I can't write when I'm happy. At all. So I have to seek out these feelings of loneliness. And nothingness. And maybe even sadness.

There's too much light in that other place. There, I don't have to turn to the solace of a blank piece of paper and my favourite pen or a blank Word document with flashing cursor to turn these train track thoughts into something solid that I can get over.

I have writer's block like nothing else right now.

30 April, 2012

Out of sync.

If you knew how it was,
To feel so mangled,
Then why did you let me,
End up this way,

And how could you,
With your distant vague promises,
Let me fall down,
For something that is never close,

Crashing hard and fast,
Love and life shattered to pieces,
The only person who could,
Fix and put me back together,

Too far away to know.

01 April, 2012

Chocolate.


I look across the horizon. Against a backdrop of pearl-grey clouds is the burnt outline of branches, brittle and clenched to a trunk that is bleached and cracking. The sun causes the air to shimmer in waves that resemble the cracks in the baked clay of the land rather than waves of moisture. There is nothing else, just the loneliness of that tree, lost in a landscape to which it does not belong. My eyes stray from the desolate setting contained within the wooden frame, where the grains whorl and strain towards each other but never quite meet, and into your questioning glance.

Your eyes are the most generic brown, not clear or bright or deep. They are not the richness of varnished wood or the clarity of hazel. They do not see past the carefully constructed mask of vagueness on my face. They do not see my soul. They are brown and they are lost and they do not know how to save me.

I am as alone as that tree, seated inches from you with your body turned to me and eyes unblinking. There is a need in the tense of your body. I can feel the conviction of your belief in the lukewarm air between us. If only our skin would touch, by accident or design, across those miles of inches then the situation could be saved. We could believe in each other, in not being alone. It could be mistaken for attraction, this tension between us. But it is not. Because I feel nothing.

There was feeling, once. I remember when there was anticipation between us. When our bodies strained towards each other and our skin was as a stranger. Your eyes were warm as chocolate and I believed they knew me. I melted like your eyes in the sun, liquid and deep. We could not be contained nor did we explore further than ourselves. We lost ourselves to life and found each other.

Now we balance on the precipice of losing everything. Our everything has become each other and it is not enough. The realisation that I know you precisely, down to the millimetres of space with which we lived between us, is overwhelming. For every second of your life that you have spent with me, I feel like I have known you a minute longer. You. You do not know me at all.

You lost me. You are losing me now. I can feel tears in the corners of my eyes as I open my mouth to explain. Your eyes are more lost than before and I can feel the tension turn to disbelief. I wonder if there were a rewind button in life, would I press it now. Swallow up my words and fix us. I know if there were a replay button in life, I would be us again. Just for one more memory of our first glance, a situation reversed. My eyes lost, yours a deep fondue.

I turn back, once. Just as I reach the door, hand outstretched to exit. You are still watching me. I do not know if it is a memory or the truth, but your eyes are the colour of chocolate.

14 February, 2012

Be mine.

Burn fire
Ache
Millimetres
Miles apart
Your warmth
B l e e d s
Into air
Unwanted there
But desired
Intoxicatingly
Suffocating
You
Care less
Free
Could you
Be caged
Locked
In arms
Heart mind
Mine?

Just for le jour de la Saint-Valentin.

17 January, 2012

No posts til the 25th...

Just thought I'd write a quick note to let whoever's reading this know that because I have no internet at home at the moment, I won't be posting any pieces until late January at the earliest. Just so there's no needless stalking (that's you anonymous!).
 
Copyright © Orphaned Ink | Theme by BloggerThemes & frostpress | Sponsored by BB Blogging